Don’t carry him around, you’ll spoil him

When else should you carry a child than when it is tiny, helpless, and we can carry it? When else, if not when it needs us the most. Unfortunately, the pressure from those around us is so great that many new mothers listen to other people’s advice instead of their maternal intuition, because they are simply afraid of spoiling their baby and getting it used to being carried. Let’s take a closer look at how it really is with spoiling and carrying?

You won’t spoil a child with love

Carrying in a wrap or carrier, frequent cuddling, co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand. All these activities are natural for babies, and they are a form of love they need in order to become independent later on. In countries in South America, Africa, and Asia, they are a normal part of every household with children, and no one gives it a second thought, as they do here. Fortunately, times and awareness are moving forward, and more and more parents respect their children’s needs and do not follow the way their own parents raised them. 

A newborn needs contact

For newborn babies, the first three months, the so-called fourth trimester, are very important in this world. In the womb, they know only warmth, rocking movements, close contact with their mother, and her scent. After birth, they need the same thing in order to adapt well. They need to feel safe, which a stroller or crib does not provide.

Carrying a newborn also has a positive effect on milk production, the mother bonds better with the baby after birth, thanks to close contact the baby synchronizes with the mother’s breathing, so there is no need to get a breathing monitor, and thanks to the greater release of love hormones, the mother feels less pain during uterine involution and many other benefits.

Putting a child in a crib or stroller and letting it cry it out is rather counterproductive. The child may stop crying after a few days, but that does not mean it is suddenly independent. It only learns that its needs (contact with its mother, her warmth, and her scent) are not important and that it is better to save energy than to cry, because it will not be heard anyway. It may seem like a well-behaved baby that does not cry and appears content, and that is what every parent wants. But later it will look for attention in other ways, and it won’t mind negative attention either, when it, for example, annoys mom by throwing things, kicking around, smearing food all over the table, etc. Or it may make up for contact with its mother by waking up more often at night. 

You really cannot spoil an infant. Yes, it may get used to a certain style of soothing to sleep, such as rocking or carrying, but that can gradually be changed if it no longer suits you. It is all about you, about the mother and baby, and how you set things up between yourselves. 

Toddlers need contact too

If you can carry even a bigger toddler, then carry them as long as you can. Of course, do not prevent them from walking or riding a balance bike, but when they need a lift, gladly offer them your arms. If that is not possible at the moment, because you are carrying groceries, for example, then at least hug them and tell them that you would be happy to carry them, but unfortunately you can’t right now and they need to walk on their own a little longer or sit in the stroller. It may turn into a tearful scene, but that simply belongs to a child’s world. Learning to handle emotions is a big topic for toddlers, and we as parents should be their guides and help them experience everything, not suppress and ridicule their emotions.

When does a child become spoiled

A child becomes spoiled if you do not stand by your boundaries. For example, a child wants candy and you do not allow it, so it starts shouting, crying, throwing things, and you, just to keep the peace, give them the candy. Then the child will try again next time. Or you may ask the child to clean up their toys and then you let them watch a fairy tale. They do not do it or only tidy up a little, and you still let them watch the fairy tale. Next time they will know that the fairy tale will come even if they do not clean up anything. There are many such situations, and the child will simply keep testing how far they can go. Your job is to stand by your decision, and when the child cries, then experience that emotion with them. There is nothing more you can do for them at that moment, unless you want them to be spoiled and to secure everything they want through crying or screaming.

Sooner or later, they will become independent

Infants cannot manipulate their parents, and crying is the only means of communication they have with them. So carrying them will definitely not spoil them, so do not be afraid to carry them whenever they need it. 

Children become independent much earlier when their need for contact is met. It often happens that older children go to their parents’ bed at night or early in the morning and want to be close to them, because their need is still not fully met. Children who sleep with their parents from an early age often do not need this. 

So carry and cuddle your children according to your maternal intuition, and you will see that in a few years you will fondly remember this period.