How to prepare a child for the arrival of a younger sibling

When a woman becomes pregnant for the second time, she will most likely start thinking about how to prepare the older child for the arrival of a sibling so that it goes smoothly and there are no unnecessary unpleasant scenes. It will always depend on the older child’s temperament, and if things do not turn out as you imagined, then you will know that you did everything you could. So what should such preparation look like? What can you try, and why is it a good idea to have children with a larger age gap?

The ideal age gap between children

To avoid having to deal so much with preparing for the arrival of a younger sibling, it is ideal if your children have an age gap of at least 6 years. This is mainly because a child at this age already understands that a younger sibling needs more care and can also be very willing to help. Common sibling conflicts do not arise, such as hurting each other, fighting for parents’ attention, doing things just to annoy one another, extreme competitiveness between children, etc. In practice, however, the most common age gap is 2–4 years, and that is a very sensitive period for older siblings, because they still need your greater attention, need to know why this and why that, are going through a phase of “I’ll do it myself, I don’t want to,” and that can hold you back a lot if you need to get somewhere on time, especially because of the baby. If you decide to have children with a smaller age gap, simply ask your loved ones for help or pay for a babysitter or a cleaner; you will manage much better then.

How to prepare the older child

Once you decide to have children close together or it simply happens unexpectedly, you can try the following tips.

Don’t keep anything secret

Talk to the child about the pregnancy from the very beginning and answer all their questions (how babies are made, how they come into the world, why parents want another child, etc.). You can take them with you to the doctor for an ultrasound so they can see the baby on the monitor.

Stroke the belly together

An older brother or sister can bond more with the baby by stroking the belly, talking to it, singing to it, and noticing how the baby moves and responds to their voice. But never force the child to do it, otherwise they may develop an aversion; simply try it together when they want to.

Talk about the negative too

You need to be open in your communication with the older child. Everyone will tell them how great it will be when the sibling is born, that they will be able to play together and drive toy cars, but it will take some time. Tell them honestly that it will probably be demanding for you, because you will need to care for the baby, that you will no longer have as much time for the older child, but that you will plan special moments for just the two of you. That the baby will probably cry often, that you will breastfeed because it will not be able to eat anything else, and that visitors will come over to see the baby. Reassure them that you will still love them and that even if it is more demanding, you will get through it together.

Show photos and videos

Before the sibling arrives, show the older child photos of when you were pregnant with them, when they were a tiny baby, and what you experienced together. The child will better realize that they were also once a tiny baby and had different needs than they do now.

Books about siblings

Get a book about the arrival of a sibling for your home. The child can look through it on their own, ask you more detailed questions about what is in the pictures, and thanks to that get a better idea of what is ahead.

Help with preparations

If the child wants to, they can help you prepare for the baby’s arrival - folding onesies, assembling the crib, preparing diapers, packing the hospital bag, etc.

Make changes well in advance

If you plan to put the child into preschool or move the crib into the children’s room, do it well in advance so that it is not associated with the sibling’s arrival and the child does not feel pushed aside. Other changes may include weaning from breastfeeding, potty training the child, and greater independence in self-care. It may happen that even if the child handles everything brilliantly before the baby is born, after the birth they may temporarily regress developmentally and, for example, refuse to sleep in the crib in their room, want the diaper back, or want to breastfeed again. That is completely normal and you should not make a big deal out of it. The older child sees this in the younger one and simply wants the same thing.

Get dad more involved

It will be good if you work on the relationship with dad so that the child is not dependent only on mom, because after the birth she could then be overwhelmed and, in the end, would not be able to devote herself to either child.

Practice separation for the maternity ward

If you are not planning an ambulatory birth or a home birth, you can prepare the child for the separation that will happen after the baby is born, so they know that you will be in the maternity ward for a few days now, but you will come back and you will all be home together again.

A gift for the older sibling

After the baby is born and you come home from the maternity ward, or perhaps during the first visit to the maternity ward, you can give the older child a small gift and say it is from the newly born baby.

If you have read this far, your head may be spinning from all of this and you may be thinking that you cannot manage everything. Don’t worry about anything, and most importantly, talk about it at home with your partner so they know what is troubling you and you can find a solution together.

We never know in advance how the older child will react to the younger one. It may happen that they accept the younger child completely without a problem and help you care for them, but they may also refuse to accept them at all and see them as someone who takes attention away from their parents and is not wanted in the family. Either way, it is good to prepare for the arrival of the younger sibling and try to eliminate as many possible difficulties as you can. You will see that in a few years you will remember that period only with a smile and will remember only the nice things. We’re keeping our fingers crossed for your preparations and we believe you can do it.