Why Doesn’t a Child Want to Share Their Toys

Surely every parent has experienced at least once a situation where their child did not want to lend their toy to someone else. And when parents insisted, the situation often got even worse, the child got angry, cried, and kicked around. What should you do about it? How can you teach your child to share toys?

A child learns by imitation

Small children learn according to the behavior patterns of others, so if we ourselves do not lend them things and forbid a lot of things (we take almost anything out of the child’s hands as soon as they reach for it), then the child will also act with their toys according to this pattern. They have not learned that they can lend toys. In addition, children up to about three years of age do not have a concept of the future; they live in the present and do not understand that someone will return the toy to them, they take it as if they will never see it again.

Let us respect the child’s needs

It often happens on the playground that other children want to borrow something from you, for example a balance bike, a doll, sand molds, a ball, and so on. We adults should respect that these toys belong to our child and should not lend them to others without the child’s permission, even if the child is not currently playing with the toy. Toys are children’s whole world; from morning till night everything revolves around them, so we should never downplay the situation. For children, lending is a serious matter. A child may have some intention for the toy set aside, perhaps after building a sand hill, sliding down twice, or after finishing a snack. So if another child wants to borrow one of our toys, always ask your child whether they will lend it or not. If they do not want to lend it, respect that and do not comment further

When will they start lending toys?

A child will start lending toys if we do not constantly forbid them to take everything into their hands (of course, except for dangerous objects) and let them explore the world. At the same time, they will understand it when they realize that if someone is to lend them something, then they themselves must lend it too. In short, they will mature into it one day, so do not put pressure on them.

When guests are coming or you are going to the playground

To avoid an unpleasant situation with sharing, we recommend introducing the following rule. Agree with the children that before guests arrive, they will put away all of their toys that they do not want to lend, and leave only those that are fine to share for playing. Then when you go to the playground, tell the children to take only toys they want to lend, or more toys, so they can lend some and keep some just for themselves. You will see that heated situations about sharing toys will become less frequent.

Sharing is a big deal, and the period before a child matures enough for it can take a long time, so don’t lose heart, talk about it, and leave it up to them.