(Un)shared sleep

Advantages and Disadvantages of Co-Sleeping

Sleeping together with children is a big topic. Some parents prefer it, while others cannot imagine it under any circumstances because a baby is supposed to sleep in its own crib, sometimes even in its own room. Neither is wrong; it always depends on the parents’ preferences, what feels closer to them, and also what suits the baby itself.

If we look at countries in South America, Africa, and Asia, co-sleeping is the norm there, just like carrying children in a sling. For these cultures, it is natural, and our way of separating children into cribs and strollers may seem nonsensical to them. 

Even here, parents used to sleep with their children in one bed, but when a doctor’s guidebook was published in the 1950s describing the latest findings in child-rearing, most new mothers followed it because they respected authority and wanted to raise their child according to the most modern trends. Unfortunately, there was no internet to search for different sources and judge what would be better for the baby.

Thanks to the information we have today, we can freely decide what parenting approach we want to take and whether we choose co-sleeping, whether because that is how we feel or because it helps us sleep better.

At first, parents are afraid of rolling over onto the baby, which is understandable. However, when we realize that many people have cats and dogs in bed at night and do not roll over on them either, then why would they roll over on a baby, which can make itself heard very loudly. 

Advantages of Co-Sleeping 

The clear number one advantage is easier nighttime breastfeeding (so-called nursing-in-bed), thanks to which neither the mother nor the baby fully wakes up and can very quickly pick up where they left off in sleep. It also helps if a woman is having breastfeeding difficulties at the beginning. Contact with the baby supports milk production, and more milk is produced at night anyway, so co-sleeping is ideal for supporting lactation.

This is also related to better and higher-quality sleep, thanks to which parents are less tired and the baby cries less at night as well, because its needs are met much more quickly.

Because of the closeness between mother and baby, the baby beautifully synchronizes with the mother’s breathing and does not forget to breathe regularly, which has a positive effect on SIDS. There is therefore no need for a breathing monitor, which costs quite a lot of money and does not always sound an alarm for the right reason. 

Many parents think that if their baby wakes up often at night, it must be hungry. But that is not always the case. Babies often need reassurance that mom is nearby, and that is why they wake up. Sometimes their own movement wakes them, and they need help falling asleep. They often wake when they are learning new motor skills during the day, such as rolling onto their stomach, bouncing on their knees, crawling, standing, or walking. Thanks to being close to mom, the baby calms down quickly and falls asleep again.

Children who sleep with their parents from an early age are, according to mothers’ discussions, more independent earlier, because they satisfy their need for contact and later no longer require it so much.

Disadvantages of Co-Sleeping

Some babies need their own space, and during the night it can happen that they and their parents wake each other up, and then no one gets any sleep. It is necessary to try it and see whether the child wakes up like this even in a crib or even when sleeping with the parents, and based on that decide whether co-sleeping is the right choice.

Spreading out in bed can be challenging for both sides. Sometimes babies spread out so much that they even wake their parents, or they travel around the bed, and for their safety it is necessary to get bed rails to prevent a nighttime fall.

Co-sleeping may not suit fathers, who need to be rested for work the next day and often therefore prefer to sleep in a different room. 

If one of the parents is under the influence of alcohol (more likely the father, who sometimes goes out for a beer with friends), then co-sleeping is not recommended, because such sleep is completely different from usual and it may be a problem for the parent to wake up when the child needs them at night.

Above All, Everyone Should Be Happy

If the idea of co-sleeping is not foreign to you, then there is nothing easier than trying it. If separate sleeping works for you and your baby, that is also fine and there is nothing to solve. Children’s sleep keeps changing during the first few years, so the fact that you do not feel ready for co-sleeping with a small baby right now does not mean that in a few months you will not be happily dozing side by side. It can also happen that with another sibling it will be completely different. Every mother does the best she can, and so let us stand together and respect one another, even if each of us handles the baby’s sleep differently.