Concerns During Pregnancy

Every mother, whether first-time or experienced, has plenty of worries during pregnancy about caring for the baby, managing the household, older siblings, and many other things. Don't worry; although it may seem like you're the only one in your area, all of us have all kinds of thoughts, questions, worries, and uncertainties running through our heads. What are the most common worries mothers have during pregnancy, and what can be done about them?

Worries during pregnancy for first-time mothers

Some of the points described below may also apply to mothers with multiple children, but they are more common among first-time expectant mothers.

I'm afraid for the baby's health

I'm afraid of miscarriage, especially after a previous loss. I'm afraid I won't carry my child to term, I'm afraid they will be born sick - all of these fears are valid, but it's important to think positively and not spend the whole pregnancy worrying about how it will turn out. Try getting a Doppler for home use (a recording of the baby's heart rate), and feel free to call and see a gynecologist at any time if you're not sure everything is okay. If you are troubled by anxiety, don't be afraid to seek professional help, find a doula, and talk about your fears. 

I'm afraid of childbirth

Most first-time mothers, and also many mothers with multiple children, are afraid of childbirth; there is nothing unusual about that, and it helps to attend a prenatal class, find a doula, go to a pregnancy exercise/swimming/yoga class, and talk about it with other mothers. Above all, trust your body, which can give birth to a baby. 

I can breastfeed my child

For mothers who are not exactly in the best financial situation, this can be a very serious concern, because they simply don't have the money to buy formula. In general, it's a good idea to prepare for breastfeeding during pregnancy so you know what to expect and nothing catches you off guard. Be sure to find contact details in advance for a proven lactation consultant who will come to your home and, if needed, advise not only on breastfeeding, but also on carrying the baby, sleep, handling the baby, etc. About that how not to ruin breastfeeding at the beginning you can read in our Mlog. 

I will manage the household with a child

If you don't set yourself unrealistically high expectations, you'll definitely manage. And if it doesn't work out, ask for help, and above all, don't forget about yourself, your needs, and recharging my batteries regularly during maternity leave. 

I can handle a baby without hurting them

Mother Nature has arranged things so perfectly that from the very first moments a baby is in the world, a mother knows how to handle them; it comes naturally to her, and if it still doesn't go smoothly, take a look at our article on Handling, where we explain more. 

You won't spoil a child if they sleep in bed with us

You definitely won't spoil them. Co-sleeping is natural for all children all over the world. 

You won't spoil a child by carrying them in a wrap or baby carrier

You definitely won't spoil them. Carried children may, on the contrary, become much more independent much faster, because their need for closeness will be met earlier. 

Will I be a good mom

We always do the best we can at that moment, and if we can’t handle a situation, we can apologize and try it differently next time. Besides, children choose us as parents, so they know what kind of family they are being born into. Parenting is often a great challenge for parents, but everything happens as it should.

Concerns during pregnancy in multiparous mothers

Mothers who already have a child at home worry more about them than about the baby still to be born. They know that once a brother or sister joins the family, everything will change and it will be challenging for everyone. They know that in time everything will settle and get easier, but they don’t know how long it will take. It may even happen that older children handle it much better than you think and, in the end, it will be very easy.

Won’t I hurt the baby or myself if I lift and carry my older child in my arms

If you don’t have a high-risk pregnancy, then definitely not. Be careful if bleeding or more severe abdominal pain occurs. 

Can an older sibling hurt the baby if they kick me in the belly (while swimming, carrying, sleeping, playing)

This is a common and valid concern. The baby is quite well protected in the womb, however caution is definitely in order. If you have bleeding or severe abdominal pain, be sure to contact a doctor; it may be nothing serious, but it’s better to be called “hysterical” a hundred times than to deal with something serious later.

Can I breastfeed during pregnancy

It doesn’t happen that often, but as breastfeeding older children becomes more visible in public, there are cases where a woman gets pregnant while still breastfeeding a toddler and doesn’t want to wean because of the baby. For a woman, this is often very physically and mentally demanding, especially because of pregnancy hormones, which usually do whatever they want. Breastfeeding During Pregnancy has many benefits for both children, so if you feel up to it, give it a try.

Can I wean an older child before birth

If you are breastfeeding while pregnant but would like to wean your toddler before you start tandem nursing, definitely do it as soon as you can. You can wean a toddler gently and without tears, but it can be a long haul, so don’t wait until the last few weeks before birth and try to sort it out, for example during the weeks when the milk briefly dries up in the breasts (around the 3rd month) or right at the start, when you discover a positive test.

How the older child handles the arrival of the younger one

It may not go smoothly at all, but what matters is preparing for the arrival of a younger sibling. The main thing is to tell the child the truth: that it will be hard for everyone (not just that it will be great and they’ll get to play together), but that you will still love them and spend time with them even without the baby.  

Will it handle older separation in daycare

The usual age gap between children is 3 years, so it works out just right for the younger one to be born and the older one to start preschool. It’s not the happiest solution, because the older child may feel pushed aside. Why should they go somewhere else when the baby is at home with mom? Before the birth, you can try different children’s groups or morning babysitting so the child gets used to being away from you and that it’s okay. Starting preschool then they may manage a little better. However, if that doesn’t work, it would be better to postpone the start and try it gradually the following year, when the baby is already at home too. 

Will the older child manage to be alone in the nursery

If you want to move the child to their own room because of an approaching birth, then it probably won’t work very well. On the other hand, a situation may also arise where the child has already been sleeping on their own in their room for some time, but after the sibling is born they cry at night and want to be in the same room as you. Either way, it’s a good idea child for moving to their own room prepare them far enough in advance, practice during daytime naps, play in the nursery as much as possible so the child feels safe there. And above all, don’t forget to prepare the child for the arrival of a sibling. 

How to potty train an older child before birth

It depends on the age gap between the children, however if the older child is not ready for it, you can stand on your head, but they won’t give up diapers. If you manage to to potty train a child shortly before birth, it can lead to the need to put the diapering back, because the child will see diapers again with the baby. The ideal is to allow enough time for this, and if the child is not willing to cooperate, don’t push them into anything and wait until they are ready on their own. Then you will be changing both children’s diapers for a while, and once the right time comes, the older one will say goodbye to them. 

I can breastfeed both the older and the younger child

If you decide to breastfeed tandem-style (nursing two children at once), then it can be a big challenge. A lot of mothers praise it, because although it can be demanding, it brings with it many benefits that make it worth continuing to breastfeed the older child. So if you decide to nurse both children, you can definitely manage it. And if it doesn’t work and you feel mentally and physically exhausted by it, then stop before it’s too late. 

Mental wellbeing plays a huge role during pregnancy, and if dark thoughts start creeping in, it’s important to switch off for a while - a trip into nature, a book, a film or series, coffee with a friend, good food, etc. Mothers who already have children at home may have an easier time in this respect, because they don’t have as much time to dwell on the next pregnancy. On the other hand, they may be troubled by worries related to sibling rivalry and welcoming a new member into the family. It will probably be more demanding at times, but everything has its time, and once you all get used to each other, you will enjoy your time together to the fullest.